IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Government investment in arts such as music and theater is a wastage of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theater #wastage #money #services
Entertainment is one of the important things that all
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 need and it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
government
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government's
show examples
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to offer it. Some
people
 think that
government
 do not have
spending
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to spend
show examples
 money on arts like song, music and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 because it
bacome
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become
 to lose sources of
country
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the country
show examples
 so they have to use money only
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 general services . In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will argue that entertainment is not as necessary as
puplic
Correct your spelling
public
 services.
Firstly
,
Correct article usage
the requirment
show examples
requirment
Correct your spelling
requirements
 of
people
 is
applyed
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applied
 by
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the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
. Satisfaction and
happyness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 rely on what
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 offer
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 citizens. Investment in building hoses,hospitals with high quality
of
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apply
show examples
medications, focusing on teaching
variety
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a variety
show examples
 of subjects and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 student skills,
,
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apply
show examples
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
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 increase number of employee all
otf
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of
 these make
people
relaxe
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relax
relaxed
instead
 of arts. If the
auther
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author
authors
do
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does
show examples
 not
investment
Replace the word
invest
show examples
 money
on
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in
show examples
a good facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
good facilities
a good facility
show examples
 for
people
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people's
show examples
 life, they will be angry.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, some
people
 think that entertainment is as important as
another needs
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another need
other needs
show examples
. It is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best for all to
consume
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their leisure time on
intersting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 things rather than spending moments on boring thinking that may cause to increase
crime
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in crime
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 or family
memebers
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members
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
government
 have been invested equally between needs and enjoyment.
This
 essay
argued
Wrong verb form
argues
show examples
 that
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
 are an absolute imperative
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
pastime
Add an article
a pastime
show examples
. When
facilities
Add a verb
facilities are
facilities were
show examples
 available,
people
 would less need to
liesure
Correct your spelling
leisure
 time.
That
is mean
Wrong verb form
means
show examples
 it is
sufficent
Correct your spelling
sufficient
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 to feel happy.
Submitted by zr.a.r on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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