IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts illustrates the proportion of employement between male and female in Great Britain in 1982.

The pie charts illustrates the proportion of employement between male and female in Great Britain in 1982.
The pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the proportion of
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 between male and female in Great Britain in 1982.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the overwhelming majority of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 chose manual occupation,
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 non-manual jobs.
Managerial
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The managerial
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 and professional occupation was favourite among
males
Use synonyms
 just over one
third,
Linking Words
whereas
Linking Words
 it was in second place among females in
diffirence
Correct your spelling
difference
 for only 7%.
Prefered
Correct your spelling
Preferred
 jobs of females
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 clerical and related. Meanwhile,
this
Linking Words
 non-manual work was not
dominant
Add an article
the dominant
a dominant
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 choice of
males
Use synonyms
,it had
Correct article usage
a 5times
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5times
Correct your spelling
5 times
 lower percentage than women. The figures were 31% and 6% respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, general labourers had the lowest proportion of employment in both genders.
By contrast
Linking Words
, other manual occupations with
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
%
diffirence
Correct your spelling
difference
were just over a quarter for females and
males
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, managerial and professional jobs were in favour
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
males
Use synonyms
 , manual occupations percentage was nearly two times higher,just under two in three.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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