Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.
A group of individuals present the idea that those youngsters who are allowed to make their own decisions on daily matters are prone to become complacent, and self-satisfied. Other people believe that it is crucial for them to opt for the virtues like what to wear, and what to eat. I fiercely
,
agree with the latter opinion, and in Remove the comma
apply
this
essay, I’m going to discuss both points of view, deeply.
On the one hand, kids who have the freedom of deciding, become more independent from early ages,
and come to realize that they are responsible for their own actions. Remove the comma
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This
process,
leads to adolescents, who don’t blame other humans for their own decisions. Remove the comma
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In addition
to this
, when kids pick something among the other options, it aids them to examine the other alternatives,
and try to imagine another hypothesis. Remove the comma
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For instance
, what happens if I choose this
meal over another one.
The aforementioned procedureChange the punctuation
?
,
boosts the cognitive functions of the youngsters.
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On the other hand
, there is another crowd, who think this
is more disadvantageous than advantageous, because this
perspective, results in arrogant adults, who don’t consider other people while
choosing, and they only ponder their own pros and cons. I strongly disagree with this
belief because I don’t see this
process this
way. I think a person who is indulged, and only pleased with oneself, is stems from another method of nurturing. It is the consequence of parents, who act like their kid is the only one on earth. These adults are those kids, whose parents always put their needs first,
and they’ve never tasted unsatisfactory.
To put it in a nutshell, giving children an opportunity to pick, is so important, and can affect their adulthood life too. It builds so many vital characteristics in their personality, and they will be confident as a grown human. The point is, we
should separate indulging children from Correct word choice
that we
this
idea,
because they are completely two different things.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by mehrasa.elahian on
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Task Response
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and conclusion, and support it throughout the essay. Also, try to use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and coherence overall. However, work on transitioning between ideas more smoothly to improve cohesion.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied, and you have demonstrated a good command of English language. Try to incorporate more advanced vocabulary to enhance your writing.
Grammatical Range
Your grammar is mostly accurate, with a few minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tenses.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?