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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the sales made by a coffee shop in an office building on a typical weekday. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the sales made by a coffee shop in an office building on a typical weekday. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The
cross section
Add a hyphen
cross-section
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 table underneath compares the number of products like
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
, tea, pastries and sandwiches sold on a particular
day
Use synonyms
 by a
coffee
Use synonyms
 shop located in an office building.
Overall
Linking Words
, most proportions of
coffee
Use synonyms
 were sold in the first and
last
Linking Words
 half of the
day
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
Add an article
the purchase
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purchase
Change the verb form
purchasing
show examples
 of
snadwiches
Correct your spelling
sandwiches
 topped in the second
hlaf
Correct your spelling
half
. When compared totally
coffee
Use synonyms
 was the most demanded product
while
Linking Words
 tea counted for the least. During the morning hours of 7:30 to 10:30, about 265 orders of
coffee
Use synonyms
 were made for the customers.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 plunged throughout the
day
Use synonyms
 before rising up considerably to 200 sales by 5:30-8:30. Selling tea held maximum value in the first half of the
day
Use synonyms
 counting to 110 cups sold,
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 plummeted drastically and fluctuated for a
while
Linking Words
 before clocking up at 75 sales by the end of the
day
Use synonyms
. Selling pastries experienced a alternating trend starting off from a high of 275 sales in the beginning of the
day
Use synonyms
 and end by the lowest
numbers
Use synonyms
 of only 80 peices by 5:30-8:30. Sandwiches
on the other hand
Linking Words
, started the business with just selling 50 peices in the first half,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 skyrocketted to 200 during the noon time and it continued to fluctuate afterwards.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words day, coffee, numbers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • peak hours
  • trough in sales
  • high consumer demand
  • lunchtime surge
  • light meals
  • caffeine boost
  • sustained interest
  • fluctuate
  • comparison of products
  • typical weekday
  • busiest period
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