As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In today's era, more and more youngsters are interested in playing games on their
computer
and watching shows or movies on TV rather than Fix the agreement mistake
computers
passing
Verb problem
spending
this
leisure time outside of their homes. There are more demerits attached to it than merits such
as rise
in childhood crime rates, Correct article usage
a rise
as well as
detrimental effects on their health. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will discuss the above stated
points in detail with a detailed solution to Add a hyphen
above-stated
this
rising concern.
To begin
with, in this
world of technologically advanced commodities such
as high tech
computers and television have a great impact on the nurturing minds of the youngster population. Playing or watching provocative games like shooting or theft, Add a hyphen
high-tech
have
a negative effect on the Correct subject-verb agreement
has
childs
thought process. Change noun form
child's
As a result
, these children are more inclined and they do not even put a thought before engaging themselves into a criminal or illegal act. For instance
, after the rise of unrestricted access to any content on both computers or television namely war like
games or movies, there has been a shocking rise in juvenile crime rates by 45 per cent.
Add a hyphen
war-like
Furthermore
, sitting on
the same place for countless Change preposition
in
number of
hours and Correct quantifier usage
apply
focussing
on the screen of course Correct your spelling
focusing
have
detrimental effects on the child's health. The most concerning problems nowadays are obesity and poor eye health. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
For example
, according to
a survey held worldwide, around 70 per cent of the under 14 years population is suffering from excessice
weight Correct your spelling
excessive
along with
this
, majority
of them Correct article usage
the majority
also
have a prescription of
high number Change preposition
for
spectacles
.
The most possible solution Change preposition
of spectacles
of
Change preposition
to
this
problem is the role of parents to actively intervene and to
make Fix the infinitive
apply
thier
children perform at least one outdoor activity throughout the day Correct your spelling
their
wether
it is household work or playing outdoor sports.
Correct your spelling
whether
To conclude
, high tech
computers or interesting TV shows will continue to Add a hyphen
high-tech
allure
a major chunk of Verb problem
lure
youngster
population into their virtual world. It's solely the parent's responsibility to interfere when needed and make their Correct article usage
the youngster
offspings
realise the importance of stepping outside into the real world.Correct your spelling
offsprings
offspring
Submitted by mrigankingley2099 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task prompt in your essay. You have provided a clear response to the topic, discussing the problems of lack of outdoor leisure time and providing a solution. However, ensure that you develop your ideas further and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized and coherent. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and follows a logical progression. However, consider using more transition words and phrases to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some appropriate word choices. To further enhance your lexical resource, try incorporating more varied vocabulary and idiomatic expressions.
grammatical range
Overall, your grammar is accurate, but there are a few minor errors and instances of awkward phrasing. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure. Additionally, aim for more complex sentence constructions to showcase your grammatical range.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!