IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Public museums and art galleries are not needed because people could see historical objects and works by using computers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#museums #art #galleries #people #objects #works #computers
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With the fast-developing of the internet, it is easily accessible for the public to have a museum or gallery tour by
the
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apply
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means of going to an online website.
As
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For
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for
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this
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 reason, there is an argument about whether museums and galleries are needed
among
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by
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people
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. In my opinion, the internet visits will not replace the physical ones. It is more meaningful not only for
the
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ordinary
people
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 but
also
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 for
the
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artists to pay a visit to
the
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apply
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public museums or
art
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 galleries in person. Because
at
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apply
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there you can spend as much time as you can
in
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apply
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observing the details of the acts which could be a piece of
jewelry
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jewellery
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 or a vase from
Tang
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the Tang
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 dynasty.
In contrast
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, there are some drawbacks
by
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to
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 using
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
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. One is that it might not make it possible to see the shining of the precious stones or the bright
color
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colour
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 of the vases, which makes the visit meaningless in some way by glancing
the
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at the
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 valuable artworks.
Furthermore
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, visiting a museum or a gallery is a nice way to get rid of the monotony of the daily
lives
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life
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. Because there is
constant
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constantly
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 a harmonious atmosphere in
this
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 kind of place, which can effectively help to reduce visitors’ stress.
For example
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, spending a weekend day with family or friends appreciating pieces of
art
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 can lessen the boredom of
the
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city life, which might enlighten the
mind
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minds
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 of
people
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.
Moreover
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, these places of
art
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 can
also
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 boost the economy of the local area. Since nowadays
counting
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count
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 on
the
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apply
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convenient public transportation,
people
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 are never tired of
traveling
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travelling
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 far
distance
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distances
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 to take a snap,
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then
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and then
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 post them to their social media, which means that tourists will consume at the local restaurants and hotels. And the increase in tourism revenue can lead
an
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to an
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 improvement
of
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in
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 local
people
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’s living
standard
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standards
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as well as
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 the infrastructure,
such
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 as the roads. In conclusion, within the foreseeable future, I would like to say that museums or
art
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 galleries are required to exist and they cannot be replaced by digital tours.
Submitted by 949918007 on

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task response
Make sure to fully address the question prompt. In this essay, you have discussed the importance of physical museum and gallery visits over virtual tours.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, your essay is well-organized and coherent. However, try to provide more explicit transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall cohesion.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally accurate and varied. To further enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated terminology related to art and culture.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is commendable with minimal errors. However, be cautious of subject-verb agreement and sentence structure consistency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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