IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Three pie charts below show the changes in Spending by a perticular UK school in 1981,1991 and 2001.

Three pie charts below show the changes in Spending by a perticular UK school in 1981,1991 and 2001.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The three pie charts illustrate some information about yearly expense fluctuations in a particular British school in 1981,1991 and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the teacher's salaries remained the biggest spending throughout the period.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the opposite was true for insurance. To be more specific, in 1981, 28% of expenditure was accounted for other worker's salaries which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb was appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 slightly declined to reach
bottom
Add an article
the bottom

The noun phrase bottom highest point seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 highest point at 15% in 2001.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, insurance took 2% of
payout
Correct article usage
the payout

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 in the first 2 decades and
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 climbed up by 5% in the year 2001. The UK school expended exactly
same
Correct article usage
the same

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 amount of money on resources and furniture and equipment at 15% in 1981 and later, the former rapidly went down by 10% and the latter rose by 5%. Teacher's salaries expense was 40%,50% and 45% making it the highest spending in 1981,1991 and 2001 respectively. 20% of spending in 1991 and 9% of expenditure in 2001 were accounted for resources.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: