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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the charts below show the change in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019

the charts below show the change in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019
#show #change #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country
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These two
disgrams
Correct your spelling
diagrams
 below demonstrate that, from 1920 to 2019, in one country, the differences in how many percentages of electrical appliances were used in households, including washing
machine
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machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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 and vacuum
cleaner
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cleaners
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,
as well as
Linking Words
 how much time
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 spent doing
housework
Use synonyms
, including washing clothes, preparing meals and cleaning.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of households with three electrical appliances increased
while
Linking Words
 the number of hours of
housework
Use synonyms
 per household decreased during the 100 years. As for the use of electrical
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more and more popular in
this
Linking Words
 country as the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 using it increased
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
. The
percentage
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 of
vacumm
Correct your spelling
vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 experienced a lower rate of
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 during the 100 years than
refrigerator
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refrigerators
show examples
 but
finally
Linking Words
 reached the same
percentage
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the popularity of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 experienced a little drop in 1960, which was the least in 2019. When it comes to the time people
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
housework
Use synonyms
, it decreased sharply at the
begining
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beginning
 and
them
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then
show examples
 decreased slowly in the end. Combining
these two graph
Change the determiner
this two graph
these two graphs
show examples
, it
is seemed
Wrong verb form
seems
show examples
 that people spend less time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
housework
Use synonyms
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electrical
appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
 become more common in their houses.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words housework, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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