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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Child labour is considered to be one of the most serious problems on the planet. What are the reasons why children find themselves in child labour and what can be done to tackle this issue?

#child #labour #planet #children
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In
this
 current time, teenagers who
work
 in their daily life is one of the biggest problems that people are concerned about. Sometimes they are required to do
this
 because they have no option and their parents do not think about these consequences. In
this
 essay, I will explain more about the causes and some solutions to
this
 issue.
To begin
 with,
this
problem
 happens mostly in developing countries. As we know, some families in developing countries have financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and it makes children forced to
work
 without considering the impact on their kids in the future. A survey by the Association Of Education in ASEAN shows that 80% of children in third-world countries do not take their school anymore because they have to
work
.
Moreover
, another reason is the tuition fee getting higher year by year, so parents prefer to push their kids into
work
 and have no concern about education.
However
, there are several solutions that people can adopt to reduce the number of child labour.
Firstly
, the reduction of tuition
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 is the most important thing that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can do, so people with financial difficulties can afford it.
Furthermore
, it even better if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 make a school-free program that specifically addresses
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families with low economic income.
Secondly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 law about child labour so the
government
 can
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
punishment to the company that still accepting teenagers to
work
. In conclusion, child labour is one of the major
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 in
this
 world and most of the reasons are related to economic
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 more
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about it and can take some actions as the solutions, the number of
this
problem
 can
turn
Verb problem
be
show examples
 down for a better life for our kids.
Submitted by hafizahnazir on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical organization of your ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
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grammatical range
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