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Band 5

People who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life What are the most significant of these problems? How can these problems be tackled

#people #cities #face #range #life
In urban areas,
people
 are living with many difficult
problems
everyday
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every day
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. The root cause for
this
 is
environment
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environmental
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pollutions
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pollution
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 and lack of
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
accommodation
, yet it can be solved by
government
Correct article usage
the government
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encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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 citizens to protect
environment
Add an article
the environment
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,
as well as
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
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 more spaces
forn
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for
human
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humans
show examples
 to live
.
Change preposition
in.
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 The
princpal
Correct your spelling
principal
 cause of
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
influence
Change the verb form
influences
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at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human's
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human
show examples
 daily
life
. It can be seen that poisonous emissions are exhausted to the
environment
 from industrial factories and vehicles, causing air pollution or water pollution. If
people
 live in contaminated air, it may affect
to
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apply
show examples
their health significantly
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 lung cancer
respiratory
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and respiratory
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 system
problem
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problems
show examples
.
For instance
, in
Vietnam
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Vietnam,
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 the rate of
people
died
Wrong verb form
dying
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by
Change preposition
of
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 lung cancer is very high because of living in
polluted
Correct article usage
a polluted
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 atmosphere
a
Change preposition
for a
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long time. Another factor may not be enough places for
human
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humans
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 to live.
In other words
, today the population in big cities is increasing considerably, but the cities have many buildings, skyscrapers and industrial areas so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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many poor
people
 may not have money to buy houses.
Consequently
, the rate of homeless
people
 is increasing and more
people
 turn into criminals, so it will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
 of citizens.
For instance
, in some developing countries, the government only focus on the growth of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 and industrialisation, so they use any spaces to set up a lot of industrial areas and tourist attractions. To solve these
problems
, the best
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 solution
i
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I
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 think that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 must take more action to improve
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. They can have more work
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
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 to help everyone
can
Verb problem
apply
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have
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 to maintain their
life
 to reduce the number of unemployed
people
.
Moreover
, it
also
 can reduce the number of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment and the increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 are the profound
problems
people
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in big cities must face. The most
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 solution I think that can solve these
problems
 is the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 must take more action to improve
people
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
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Task Response
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt and provide a clear response to the question. In this essay, you focused on two problems faced by people living in large cities, but you could have provided a more comprehensive analysis of the range of problems.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall structure and logical progression of ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion could have been stronger. In the introduction, you briefly mentioned the problems but did not provide a clear overview of what would be discussed in the essay. In the conclusion, you restated your main solution but did not provide a summary of the main points discussed.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there is room for improvement. Try to vary your word choices and use more advanced vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of lexical resources. Additionally, be careful with word usage and sentence structure to ensure clarity.
Grammatical Range
While your essay shows a good control of grammar and sentence structure, there are some errors and awkward phrasings. Proofread your essay carefully and pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure to enhance your grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • metropolis
  • commute
  • public transportation
  • gridlock
  • air pollution
  • noise pollution
  • expensive housing
  • exorbitant prices
  • work-life balance
  • recreation areas
  • parks and gardens
  • criminal activities
  • security measures
  • density
  • neighborhood
  • public amenities
  • healthcare facilities
  • educational institutions
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