Some people say that parents have the most significant influence in a child's development. However, other say that things like television or friends have the must important influence on them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
Home is the first setting wherein
children
learn. It is a fascinating development
as parents
are the primary source of learning, which is strenghtened
by their social circle in the environment. With Correct your spelling
strengthened
this
stages
of Fix the agreement mistake
stage
development
, perspectives
of people are divided. Whilst there are people who Correct article usage
the perspectives
perceived
that Wrong verb form
perceive
parents
have the most significant influence in the development
of young people, some folks believed
their social circle, Wrong verb form
believe
such
as friends, television, and social media, has the
major impact on them. Correct article usage
a
This
essay will discuss both views along with
the opinion of the writer.
Firstly
, the holistic development
of children
including their cognitive, emotional, social, and psychological development
is shaped through their relationship with their carer. According to
the attachment theory, parent
and child relationship is the most significant aspect of brain Correct article usage
the parent
development
in early
stages of life. Correct article usage
the early
For example
, a child who has a healthy attachment with
his Change preposition
to
parents
has a healthy brain, which is stimulated and shaped accordingly
.
On the other hand
, the
outside Correct article usage
apply
influence
including peers, social media and television can Fix the agreement mistake
influences
also
be a basis for children
Change noun form
children's
development
. By way of illustration, peer pressure can force children
to experiment on
unexpected social behaviours Change preposition
with
such
as smoking and drinking alcohol, which may be detrimental in
their Change preposition
to
development
. However
, if they have healthy relationships with their parents
they can still be guided constantly and unlearn their unhealthy behaviours.
In conclusion, whilst peers, social media, and television can change children
's behavior
, their Change the spelling
behaviour
parents
are still the major contributory
Replace the word
contributors
of
their Change preposition
to
development
. In my opinion, the presence of their carer in all the stages of their life can serve as their moral compass to be healthier and better individuals.Submitted by melcastillo15 on
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task response
You have addressed both views and provided your opinion. Make sure to further develop your arguments and provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure and is well-organized. Ensure that your ideas are linked together smoothly by using appropriate transition words.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally good. Try to use more complex and varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Your grammar is accurate, and you have demonstrated a good range of structures. Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure clarity in your sentences.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?