lt is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is said that mixing at
school
children with a wide range of skills and from different social backgrounds is important. I totally agree with this
crucial need to mix all these people
.
Firstly
, it is essential t show to young people
how varied is our world. Children tend to have a clear lack of an
ample vision. Correct article usage
apply
This
is the reason that explains how it is crucial to join varied boys and girls at school
to develop this
more ample and realistic vision of the world. For example
, when I was young, I met at school
a girl that
came from a very poor family and I learnt from her the cruel reality of misery on earth when she invited me to her home and I saw her circumstances of living and environment.
Correct pronoun usage
who
Secondly
, not mixing people
at school
would mean that society still tends to separate people
by their origins, money or other ethnic aspects. Nowadays, we are in a society that fights discrimination and separating the younger people
will not follow common values and violence could arrive very quickly. For instance
, a Harvard study in 2016 showed how children that
have been isolated for their social background tend to become violent regarding other groups.
Correct pronoun usage
who
To conclude
, mixing the youngers with varied profiles is important to ensure an inclusive education and to reduce violence between social groups. I really think that this
is the way to build a stable and equal society in the future.Submitted by santos_dij on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific idea or argument and that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to make your writing more precise and sophisticated.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors and enhance clarity.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
