IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

lt is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In my personal opinion, I believe that all
type
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types
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 of
children
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 in a
school
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, can mix with
eachother
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each other
 and become friends. On the one hand, the
school
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 is a place to educate
children
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 with the same rules, no matter where they come from and how their lives
is
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are
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.
However
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, it is true that some may have a different mindset than others. Mixing
children
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 with different abilities together
,
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apply
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 could
renforce
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reinforce
enforce
 their friendship by learning different things. Indeed, it can allow them to get closer, and learn
diferent
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different
 lifestyles, ideas, and even inspire
eachother
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each other
.
For example
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, a kid
that
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who
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 loves music and plays an instrument
,
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apply
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 could convince
an
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apply
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other
children
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 who
hates
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hate
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 music and
does
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do
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 not play any
intrument
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instrument
 to learn how to like it. Or even to convince him to play an instrument by showing him
home
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how
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 fun it can be. But it is not only about music, it can
also
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 be sports,cooking, arts, style,etc.
On the other hand
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, the social
backround
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background
 should be something that
affect
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affects
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 students to be together in
school
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. I believe that for teenagers or
children
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, the social
backround
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background
 should not affect at any point their friendship or
wether
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whether
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 they should talk to
eachother
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each other
 or not. Becoming friends
,
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apply
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 should be about all the
thing
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things
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 people have in common, what they can learn from others, how nice you are, funny, extrovert or introvert.
To conclude
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, in a
school
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, where everyone is treated the same, I personally think that
children
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 with different abilities can in fact mix together by learning from others new ones.
However
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, their lifestyle out of
school
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, should not affect them
wether
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whether
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 to
hangout
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hang out
show examples
 or not.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to better reflect your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain a more consistent tone and usage of formal language throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all points are directly related to the main argument and supported by relevant examples for stronger overall coherence.
task achievement
You have a clear personal opinion and you present it consistently throughout the essay.
task achievement
You provide examples that illustrate your points effectively, showing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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