IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

lt is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is crucial to make sure that
yougsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 with different
skills
Use synonyms
 and backgrounds socialise with other children at the educational
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
This
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 essay totally agrees with that statement. Mixing with each other at school is important to learn about other cultures.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 they can learn abilities thanks to another person.
Firstly
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,
mix
Wrong verb form
mixing
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 with each other at
shcool
Correct your spelling
school
 may
make
Verb problem
give
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 them
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a wider knowledge
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other cultures and lifestyles. It is important to know how other people live in other countries to help him or her understand other points of view in some specific situations.
For instance
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,
last
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 year, we watched at
shcool
Correct your spelling
school
 a movie about religion, that made me understand why some humans were that protective
with
Change preposition
of
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 their religion and their god. Thanks to
this
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 I started being more
carefull
Correct your spelling
careful
 with what I say about it.
Secondly
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, it is crucial to meet people with different abilities so they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 teach them to the child. Learning from others is really important to grow as a person and to
adquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
 different
skills
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 that will be necessary for the future.
For example
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, some kids may be better at sports than in studies.
However
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, another kid at school may be the contrary. They both could learn from
the
Correct your spelling
each
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 other and develop their
skills
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.
To conclude
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, I totally agree that children should mix with each other at the learning
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, with
an
Correct article usage
the
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 objective of learning about different cultures, in order to understand that person and upgrading
skills
Use synonyms
 that could be crucial for the future of the youngsters.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to make it clearer and more specific about your position.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, such as 'yougsters' instead of 'youngsters' and 'shcool' instead of 'school'.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are more detailed and explicitly linked to the points you are making to enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task completion.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphs for each main point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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