lt is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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At school, many children from all over the world and with different
abilities
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are mixed, and
this
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is very important for them. Personally, I totally agree with
this
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because it helps them to learn from
ecah
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each
other and discover new
things
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,
as well as
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to open their minds and be more empathic. Since ever, children have had a wide range of
abilities
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. Some are very good at sports,
while
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others may be good at other
things
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such
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as maths or
litterature
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literature
. If they
mix
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with each other, they would be able to learn the
abilities
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from their friends
,
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apply
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and discover new
things
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. A child
who’s
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whose
ability is to play football
,
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apply
show examples
could learn something new about mathematics that may be useful in the future.
For example
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, John Kane, an Irish
sociologist
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sociologist,
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states that children with
unlike
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different
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abilities
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who
mix
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themselves at school will know
much
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many
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more
things
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and are more prepared than the others. There is
also
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the cultural and social
mix
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, which
make
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makes
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students
be
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apply
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more empathic and helps them to open their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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. Each person has a different social background
and
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, and
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sharing experiences with other
school mates
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schoolmates
is essential for their correct education. A child from Africa
has
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does
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not
the
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have the
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same culture and experiences as one from South America, and
them
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apply
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being friends contributes to
make
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making
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them more open-minded.
For instance
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, when I was a student, I used to be with people from all over the world and different economic situations
,
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;
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however
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, it made me a more empathic person.
To conclude
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, I
completelly
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completely
agree that it is a very good idea to
mix
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students with a variety of social backgrounds and with a wide range of capacities in order to ensure their knowledge about many topics and their empathy.

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task response
Make your main idea more exact in each body part. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to support your ideas.
task response
Explain a few points more deeply, not only in a general way.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts can flow better from one sentence to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and sentence form, because some lines are not easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main point and fully develops it.
task response
You answer the question clearly and your opinion is easy to see.
task response
You cover both ability mix and social background mix, so your answer is complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a logical order and easy to follow most of the time.
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