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Band 5.5

Some people think that salary is main aspect of job. But some people belive that salary is not main aspect. Give your opinion and with relevant examples and discuss both points

#people #salary #aspect #job #belive #points
Salary is an integral part of our life. Without it, we can not
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 our basic needs that's why everyone wants to earn as
money
 as much they can, not only to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their basic needs but for a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
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luxurious and easy life. To earn capital, folk do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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some start a business and others find jobs.
And many
Correct word choice
Many
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 public believe that income is a significant condition of their profession,
however
, some disagree with it. In my perspective, earnings is the main facet of the
job
 and I will elaborate on my point of view in detail in the given paragraphs. One of the main reasons, one individual applies for the
job
 is to earn cash to pay his bills and to buy food.
This
 is why salary is the main aspect of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
. There is not any employee in the world, who would like to
work
 for less wage rate
according to
 his
job
 duties because every skill and task contains values which need to be well paid by the employers.
Moreover
, there are minimum wage rates set by the governments to save
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
 from exploitation so everyone can buy their basic needs. No one would like to take orders from others without any benefits if capital is not included.
That is
 why we can not ignore the importance of earnings and we can not deny that it is not the main aspect of a
job
.
However
, there are some
people
 for whom passion is everything and more important than
money
. So, they do not focus on the salaries they get and
work
 for their own happiness and to achieve their personal goals. For
this
 kind of
people
, their duties and responsibilities at
work
 are more important than what they get in return.
For example
: there are many under-rated sports in the world where players do not earn much
money
, but, they pursue their games because they like to play them. In my opinion, there are very less
people
 who
work
 for their passion, because, in today's world every person wants to make their life easy with luxurious products and services which can not obtained without
money
,
due to
 it,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
people
 salary is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 aspect of
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
.
Submitted by kaurnavnit23 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a more concise and focused introduction that clearly states your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and strive for more precise word choices.
grammatical range
Improve the variety of sentence structures and enhance grammatical accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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