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Writing Samples /
Band 5

people who live in large cities face a range of problems in their daily life. What are the most significant of these problems? How can these be tackled?

#people #cities #face #range #life #be
It is said that the citizens
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in big
cities
 cope with a range of troubles in their everyday
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. The most vital of these problems is the lack of
health
.
Thing
Add an article
A thing
The thing
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be done to solve
this
 problem is reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
.
Pollution
 is the main cause
lead
Replace the word
leading
show examples
 to the decrease in
people
's
health
 in big
cities
. There are two main
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of
pollution
 in urban, they are
air
pollution
 and
light
pollution
.
Air
pollution
 is
made
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 by the exhaust of vehicles and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
factories.
Air
pollution
 affects human
health
 badly by making them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have lung problems like coughing or more
serious
Change the word
seriously
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lung cancer.
Light
pollution
 is the result of the development of entertainment and advertisement in
cities
, many shops use plenty of LED in order to attract their customers
as well as
 the advertisement.
Light
pollution
 is the top reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
eyes
Change the noun form
eye
show examples
 diseases and sleeplessness of
people
 in
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
.
However
, all of these problems can be tackled to improve the
health
 condition of urban
people
.
Begin
Wrong verb form
Beginning
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
pollution
, we can handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport to reduce the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of personal vehicles on the road by improving the facilities, adding buses and
route
Fix the agreement mistake
routes
show examples
. The factory which exhausts
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 should be fined to reduce the CO2 in the
air
. To deal with
light
pollution
 we are able to ask the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 to decrease the
light
 level
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 night. In conclusion, the
health
 of
people
 in large
cities
 is endangered because of
pollution
, we should do
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 to cope with
this
.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the prompt and provides a general response to the main question, but the level of detail and analysis could be further improved.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear and the introduction and conclusion are present. However, the essay would benefit from a more coherent organization and better development of ideas.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary and there is some use of appropriate terminology. However, there is room for improvement in the selection and use of vocabulary to express ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures and there are only a few errors that do not impede understanding. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and accuracy of sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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