Celebrities are usually famous for glamour and wealth rather than their achievements. Some say taking them as an example can be dangerous for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Celebrities
that are very famous can be an example for young people
, most of them has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a
kind Correct article usage
apply
of
skills that can be Change preposition
apply
atractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
these
individuals.
Change preposition
to these
Celebrities
after second
world war Correct article usage
the second
such
seventies, eighties
after many improvements in societies equally Correct word choice
and eighties
feminism
movement, Replace the word
feminist
black
movement for rights and lgbt+ movement shows Add an article
the black
a black
for
Change preposition
apply
celebrities
that they should be in
one side and choose it. It seems that Change preposition
on
celebrities
in these decades was
truly in Change the verb form
were
there
Replace the word
their
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
that is
, can speaking what they really thing
without worrying about the consequences Correct your spelling
think
thus
, showing a community concerned less about money in
the other hand political changes.
After Change preposition
on
Correct article usage
the noughties
noughties
Add a comma
noughties,
celebrities
seems appreciated
the Wrong verb form
seemed to appreciate
hollywood
glamour Change the capitalization
Hollywood
life style
and money to show the truth about themselves Correct your spelling
lifestyle
despise
behind Verb problem
apply
this
Correct determiner usage
these
celebrities
are companies that just want to profit so it
uses those Correct pronoun usage
they
people
to achieve their goal. Yet celebrities
also
prefer to live in this
condidations
since they are earning money. After the boom of Correct your spelling
condition
conditions
internet
and social media many companies just Correct article usage
the internet
such
for pretty faces that can be a modal
for young Correct your spelling
model
people
even these folks can not represent anyone
achievements.
Change noun form
anyone's
Futhermore
, Correct your spelling
Furthermore
modern
generation Correct article usage
the modern
have
to distinguish between Correct subject-verb agreement
has
celebrities
and artists and what wich one represent for the
society. Evidently we have to force some situations Correct article usage
apply
such
giving
more Change preposition
as giving
attetion
Correct your spelling
attention
for
Change preposition
to
artits
than Correct your spelling
artists
celebrities
to show for
teenagers that these television Change preposition
apply
people
can contributing
Change the verb form
contribute
be contributing
for
Change preposition
to
the
society Correct article usage
apply
in
somehow not just appear. Certainly, if we Change preposition
apply
not
show the reality Change the verb form
do not
did not
for
Change preposition
to
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
these poor example
of Change the determiner
this poor example
these poor examples
celebrities
can be dangerous for growth
Correct article usage
the growth
personality
.Change preposition
of personality
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Task Response
Ensure a clear and focused response to the task question. While your essay discusses the influence of celebrities on young people, it doesn't offer a clear extent of agreement or disagreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas in a logical sequence and ensure coherence between paragraphs. Some of your ideas are not well-developed and lack coherence.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to expand your ideas and demonstrate your language proficiency. Some of your word choices are repetitive and could be improved.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors in your essay that affect clarity and comprehension.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.