An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #operations #change #development

Nowadays, numerous people

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

love to have

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

plastic surgery in order to upgrade their appearance in an instant way have risen. Some people have argued about

this

issue, and in

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will explain why I think

this

is a good movement.

To begin

with, we cannot be against the fact that we live in a society where looks are one of the crucial things.

This

phenomenon pushes some folk to explore and improve their looks, mostly because of their insecurities, mainly

choose

Wrong verb form

choosing

show examples

face

surgery as the way.

For instance

, in South Korea, their citizens have a culture where ‘

face

operation’ is a must for a person who was not born gorgeous,

this

happened because of their beauty standard.

Furthermore

, If you are not beautiful or handsome, you will automatically get bullied because of your looks, both in

face

and body.

That is

why society in South Korea extremely supports

face

and body operation, they believe everybody has rights and hope to be reborn.

Besides

the social pressure, work obligations are

also

another reason why many societies consider changing their physical appearance through a medical way.

For example

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

artists and actors in Thailand have generally done it at the request of the client and their agency, mostly saying that makeup cannot change or cover scars and pores.

Moreover

face

surgery’s result can make the human look unreal, suitable for the entertainment industry. In a nutshell, changing appearance through surgery is a beneficial development for a lot of communities.

This

can improve someone’s confidence

as well as

for commercial reasons.

Submitted by zefanyagyu on Wed Nov 01 2023

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task response

Make sure you fully address the prompt and provide a clear position on whether you think the increasing number of people choosing cosmetic surgery is a positive or negative development.

coherence cohesion

Organize your ideas more logically. Consider using a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to enhance the coherence of your essay.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied words to enhance the lexical resource of your essay.

grammatical range

Pay attention to your sentence structures and aim for more complex constructions to improve the grammatical range of your essay.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantage of this is outweigh the Like disadvantages?

More and more people are now working remotely from home. Is this a positive or negative development?

In many countries, the no. of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

many graduates want to start their first job in a big corporation. many others prefer to work for a small company first. compare and contrast their choices and express your opinion