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Band 5

In the future, the reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#future #reason #mall #entertainment #shop
Nowadays, many individuals think that going to a shopping mall is not only to buy things
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 for entertainment. In
this
 essay, I will show reasons for
this
 opinion and include why I agree that way. First of all, we need to see that in the 21st century, we don't need to shop
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
, we can buy anything on the Internet shops. Online shopping makes people not want to go out because it makes us lazier than in the past. For that reason, we just go to the shopping mall to entertain but we don't have to buy anything there because we can buy everything from home. The shopping mall is not a market, it is
also
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
place
 where we can buy necessary things like
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 or clothes. Actually, if we want to go
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
, we can go to the local market, not the shopping
centre
.
For example
, in Saigon, we have lots of local markets and supermarkets where people go
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 the things they need, because the price in a shopping
centre
 is much more expensive. The next reason,
it
Add a missing verb
is it
show examples
 is
also
 a considerable
place
 for meeting friends for everyone, because the area is large and well equipped with
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 air
condition
Wrong verb form
conditioning
show examples
 and
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 decorations .
Moreover
, the malls have different types of entertainment for us to spend time there and we don't need to move a lot for other games.
For example
, many malls have cinemas, bowling alleys, and restaurants, ...,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
 is the reason why many individuals love going to the malls. In my opinion, it is really a great
place
 for
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
, because I always hang out with my friends
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there, it's not only the
place
 I usually shop at. Shopping online helps me save more money than going to the shopping
centre
. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I think going to the shopping
centre
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 for entertainment but not shopping. In conclusion, customers need to know what they want and choose a suitable
place
 to shop to save more time and money.
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Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and relates back to the main argument
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grammatical range
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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