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Band 7

In many contries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that this the responsibility of governments to solve the problem. What extent do you agree or disagree?

#contries #children #people #responsibility #governments
Nowadays,
technology
 plays a vital role in our daily life, it helps us in every aspect of life
such
 as education, social management, and business. There are some people who say that
automation
 has a negative impact on society rather than actually helping solve problems.
Although
 I agree that it causes a lot of obstacles, I think if we knew how to use it properly, it would not be a matter. Using
technology
 improperly can cause several dilemmas.
First,
relying totally on automatic approaches to solving issues can make people less creative,
For example
, when a math problem is solved by using artificial intelligence, the solution is usually correct but it may be a very long answer
while
 thinking about how to solve the problem by ourselves can lead to not only a shorter answer but
also
 a brighter mind.
Besides
, letting children overuse smartphones will have a negative effect on education.
Firstly
, spending too much time playing video games will result in less time on studying, which will lower educational performance. The lack of jobs
also
 is a problem of the overuse of
automation
,
such
 as, many builders in Japan using
automation
 engineering to transfer humans to reduce costs and increase productivity.
On the other hand
,
automation
 helps improve our lives in many aspects. Using online tools to manage the business’s finances has made life much easier for managers
also
 accountants.
For instance
, using Excel can do cost and profit calculations instantly.
Furthermore
, students can now have the opportunity to study at their own homes by accessing online lectures, which saves plenty of transportation costs for the students and teachers.
Technology
 can reduce education costs and
convenient
Add a missing verb
be convenient
show examples
 for studies. In 2019 we faced with pandemic at that moment we just stayed at home.
As a result
, schools have plans to teach students on screens like using smartphones, and laptops or they can learn on TV. In conclusion,
although
 machinery may bring some unexpected impacts on us, using
technology
 for the right purpose will help our lives become easier.
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task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in your introduction to clearly state your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use appropriate transition words to create a cohesive flow.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more precise and varied words.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Childhood obesity
  • Public health policy
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Obesity rates
  • Health education campaigns
  • Physical education
  • Dietary habits
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Preventive measures
  • Multinational corporations
  • Health-conscious initiatives
  • Recreational facilities
  • Collaborative approach
  • Healthcare providers
  • Body mass index (BMI)
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