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Band 5.5

Environment damage is a problem in most countries. What are the major causes of environmental damage? Who is responsible for preventing environmental damage?

#environment #damage #countries
In today's globalizing world,
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital problem around the globe. There are a large number of reasons for
this
 phenomenon but from my point of view, I believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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carbon emission and deforestation are the main culprits of the deterioration of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Therefore
, it is necessary for both
individuals
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments to ensure accountability to solve the problem. The two main factors
Correct pronoun usage
that causes
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causes
Change the verb form
cause
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to
Change preposition
apply
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 problems are air pollution and logging.
Firstly
, the excessive growth of population and industrial production result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase in the number of
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
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 in
this
 world. The large number of vehicles operated by fossil fuel releases tons of carbon gas every single day. These substances are generally considered as the key factor destroying earth's
ozon
Correct your spelling
ozone
 layer, which
protecting
Wrong verb form
protects
show examples
 humankind from
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
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 effects of UV rays. The second point is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 overpopulation and timber harvesting have a negative impact on natural creatures. People cut down the tree to produce consumer products,
such
 as
chair
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chairs
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 and houses.
As a result
, many tropical forests
where
Rephrase
apply
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are the houses of billions
wild
Change preposition
of wild
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 animals and sectors and frequent occurrence of natural disasters, which creates an imbalance in the whole ecosystem. Both citizens and the
government
 are accountable for the issue of environmental damage. Obliviously, each person is responsible for not doing harm
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
environment
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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shown in their daily life which directly
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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 the habitat.
For example
, provide that
individuals
awareness
Wrong verb form
were aware
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 of reducing and recycling plastic use on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis, the total amount of
this
 substance disposed to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 would dramatically decrease.
In addition
, the
government
 are equally
significant
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
accountable for the issue of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. It is necessary for the
government
 to introduce strict
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
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 as a way to prevent and punish any
individuals
 and companies to not causing harm to the
environment
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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 that the activities of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 have a strong influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 citizens rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. In conclusion, there are many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons causes of environmental damage, but the major ones are air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 and deforestation. I believe that protecting the
environment
 is the obligation of both the
government
 and
individuals
.
Submitted by phongnguyenthanh630 on

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Task Response
Make sure to directly address all parts of the essay question in a clear and focused manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are logically organized and connected throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand your vocabulary and use a wider range of words and phrases to express your ideas.
Grammatical Range
Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and precision.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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