Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibility

There are competing views on whether teenage

years

or adult

life

is better.

Although

during adulthood

people

enjoy more independence, I believe that they truly enjoy the phase of being in the

moment

. Being independent is one of the major factors that

contributes

Change the verb form

contribute

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

their happiness during adulthood.

This

is the time of their

life

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

when they have

freedom

Add an article

the freedom

show examples

to make their own decisions. When they help themselves in every way, it makes them confident and gives them contentment.

For instance

, being an adult when they do

job

Add an article

the job

a job

show examples

, earn money and manage their own expenses, all these things

gives

Change the verb form

give

show examples

them an internal satisfaction.

However

this

happiness cannot beat the level of happiness, they enjoy in their teenage. The teenage

years

on the other hand

, is the golden period of their

life

, as

people

value and enjoy the fact of enjoying the present

moment

. During

this

phase, they do not think much about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

past events or about the future.

Thus

, they cherish their present

moment

. A particularly good example of

this

is the

moment

when they wear any special dress without any special occasion, and just enjoy the attention they get from their peers or other

people

in society.

This

shows their innocence and purity.

For

this

reason, I believe that the teenage

years

are the most beautiful

years

people

's lives, where they believe that

life

has always something good to offer. In conclusion, I believe that the teenage period is the most precious time in

people

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

as they love their

true-self

Correct your spelling

true selves

show examples

, and adult

life

offers them an opportunity to live an independent

life

Submitted by meghnabawa91 on Wed Nov 01 2023

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task achievement

Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a clear conclusion stating your own viewpoint. Each body paragraph should have a clear main idea and be expanded with relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to indicate the progression of ideas. Cohesion could be improved by using linking words and phrases to better connect the ideas within and between paragraphs.

task achievement

To score higher, work on developing fully supported main points with specific details and examples. The current essay lacks depth in the development of each view with specific examples supporting them.

coherence cohesion

Utilize more complex sentence structures and pay attention to grammatical accuracy for a higher score. Consistent control of grammar and punctuation is critical for achieving a high band score in IELTS Writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced amount of time people spend seeing their friends this has had a negative effect on their social lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

The figure gives information about smoking habits of the UK population by age. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Some people believe that not all criminals should be kept in prison, but that some of them should be allowed to do unpaid work to help the community. Do you agree or disagree?

Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?