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New Technology have changes the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#technology #changes #children #time
In
Correct article usage
the modren
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modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 era,
due to
 the advancement of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 most of the
children
 spend their free
time
 on technological sources. I think there are more merits rather than demerits, which will be discussed in upcoming paragraphs. Elaborating the first school of thought, there are many benefits of offspring
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 their free
time
 on technological
gagdets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
 like mobile phones, laptops and many more, if
children
 will spend their
time
 on these things they can get information about activities.
In addition
, because of using
technology
 in
leisure
Correct pronoun usage
their leisure
show examples
time
children
 become multilingual and they can learn foreign
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 at sit their home on mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
For example
, in India, 80%
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
 who become multilingual owing to
technology
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to go abroad during past years which resulted in
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 way.
As a result
, it will be beneficial
dor
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 their future life. On the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
, there are some drawbacks of
this
. If
children
will
Verb problem
apply
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spend
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
 on
technology
 they will
away
Add a missing verb
be away
show examples
 from physical activities. So, it would
put
Verb problem
have
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negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 effect on their health and they will suffer from obesity.
Secondly
, if
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 spend
time
 on their mobile phone it will
put
Verb problem
apply
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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their eyes and it will not
becgood
Correct your spelling
be good
 for
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their upcoming life. In conclusion, every coin has two sides, advantages
as well as
 disadvantages, but I think
technology
 has more advantages as compared to demerits if
children
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
use with
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 way.
Submitted by gsdhillon23595 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction that directly answers the question.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points are adequately supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Develop a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides a clear opinion.
task achievement
Address all parts of the prompt and provide a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetitive language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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