IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty but some other people argue that industrial growth is leading to poverty and it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #growth #poverty
It is argued that industrial development can resolve
poverty
while
some
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apply
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others hold
opposite
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the opposite
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 point of view believing that
this
 is the cause of
problem
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the problem
show examples
 and should be banned.
This
 essay will argue that despite that
factory
 create jobs and incomes for people in poor, it leads to income inequality, as the benefits may be concentrated among a few wealthy individuals or corporations which means the drawback of developing
industry
is
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apply
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far more
outweight
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outweigh
outweighs
 the advantages
on
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of
show examples
 the view of solving
poverty
.
Manufactures
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Manufacturers
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 hire
large
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a large
the large
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number
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numbers
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 of
man
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men
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 and
woman
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women
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 to sustain the
industry
’s productivity and profitability,
therefore
 the expansion of
industry
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the industry
show examples
 brings more jobs and money.
This
 helps the alleviation of
poverty
 given living requirements can be earned with the payable jobs from factories.
For example
,
the
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apply
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access to food and education increased in
those area
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that area
those areas
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 which have economic
boost
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boosts
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 because of industrialization.
However
,
this
 does not imply society can fully
eliminated
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be eliminated
eliminate
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from
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apply
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poverty
 because of inequal income
assignment
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assignments
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may happen
Verb problem
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. Even though the high production of
industry
 can generate high profit, how much is enjoyed by the labour hood? The capitalist usually occupies a majority of the revenue but only a small portion is used as payment
of
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for
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 the
factory
 workers. Under
this
 condition, salary gain from the growth of
industry
 is limited and saving properties to
leave
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live
show examples
 the poor
condition
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conditions
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 is hard to achieve. For some
area
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areas
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, the pay of
factory
 workers
not
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is not
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 even able to cover their daily diet
necessary
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apply
show examples
.
As a result
, the community cannot resolve the problem of poor
with
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by
show examples
 having more
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
 but
on the other hand
, people are stuck at the working level without opportunities to move upward. The
poverty
 consists.
Submitted by sangelamami on

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coherence cohesion
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to indicate your position on the topic.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar to improve your grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrial growth
  • poverty
  • income opportunities
  • technological advancements
  • productivity
  • income inequality
  • wealthy individuals
  • corporations
  • environmental impacts
  • impoverished communities
  • sustainable development
  • inclusive development
  • alleviation
  • measures
  • accompany
  • concerns
What to do next:
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