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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major citites with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparison where relevant.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major citites with date opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparison where relevant.
#data #railway #systems #six #citites #date #kilometres #route #passenger #numbers #year #millions #summarise #information #features #comparison
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The table above illustrates data about
underground
Correct article usage
the underground
show examples
 railway system in six major cities. The data includes the
follow
Change the form of the verb
following
show examples
 cities: London, Paris,
Tokyo
Use synonyms
, Washington DC, Kyoto and Los Angeles. The main features are
date
Correct article usage
the date
show examples
 opened, kilometres of route, and passengers per
year
Use synonyms
 (in millions).
Overall
Linking Words
, the oldest underground railway is in London, and the newest one is in Los Angeles. Paris is the second oldest subway line. The largest metro system belongs to London and the shortest belongs to Kyoto, with 394 and 11 kilometres, respectively. Analysing the numbers, especially the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of passengers per
year
Use synonyms
, it is possible to deduce that the underground system more
crowed
Correct your spelling
crowded
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in
Tokyo
Use synonyms
, with 1927 people per
year
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the most underused is in Kyoto, with 45 passengers each
year
Use synonyms
. Washington DC and
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 have almost the same kilometres of route, despite the fact that
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 has about 13 times more users per
year
Use synonyms
 than Washington DC.
Submitted by fmulato on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tokyo, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • underground railway systems
  • date opened
  • kilometres of route
  • passenger numbers per year
  • summarise
  • main features
  • comparison
  • relevant
  • oldest
  • recent additions
  • route length
  • network
  • transport
  • massive
  • annually
  • comparatively shorter
  • follows closely behind
  • lowest number
  • second highest
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