IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #retirement #age #e #g #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In our current world where productivity is considered a key
economical
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economic
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 aspect, there is a growing concern about unifying
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retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
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age
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 for all types of
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job
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jobs
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. In
this
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 essay, reasons not to consider
such
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 policy and examples
to
Change preposition
of
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 what damage it can do to the
economy
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 will be provided. The supporting side of
such
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 unification would argue that employees should retire at the same
age
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 because it ensures
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social justice between them. they might say that allowing early
retirement
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 would harm organizations and companies which has been spending a significant amount of resources to develop an expert staff. Where
this
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 argument might be valid, it is important to take the safety and risks associated with the
job
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 in question to fairly calculate the
retirement
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age
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.
On the other hand
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, there are many reasons to reject
this
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 narrative.
Firstly
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, it is obvious that the
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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associate
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associated
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 with different work can vary significantly. As an example, Labor-intensive jobs might lead to some serious injuries and disabilities caused by the
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job-nature
Correct your spelling
job nature
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,
whereas
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 the risk of
such
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 accidents might be drastically lower in office jobs.
Moreover
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, the fatigue that can be caused by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
labor-intensive
Change the spelling
labour-intensive
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 work can have a toll on one's health after a significant amount of time.
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Economy wise
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Economy-wise
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,
in
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if
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 case unified
retirement
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age
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 is implemented, people would opt out from taking on labor-demanding
carriers
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careers
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 and
instead
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 seek a comfortable desk
job
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, which will create an unbalance in the market
,
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and, therefore
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therefore
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,
it
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apply
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will have a negative impact on
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economy
Add an article
the economy
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. In light of the above arguments, it is important to take
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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, safety, and
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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 needs of one's
job
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 into consideration
while
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 setting the proper
age
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 of
retiring
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retirement
show examples
, where a set in stone
age
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 would not be fair for the people, but it would hurt
economy
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 as well.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main point of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more diverse and precise language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to the correct use of grammar and sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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