IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many developing countries, there are major problems with the quality of air and water caused by both industry and construction. What are some of these problems? And what solutions could be provided to prevent this?

#countries #quality #air #water #industry #construction
People from many developing countries struggle with bad quality of air and water emerged by the plant and construction. There are several things that need to be done
for preventing
Change preposition
to prevent
show examples
this
 trouble
to arise
Change preposition
from arising
show examples
. As
year
Add an article
the year
show examples
 goes by,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bussinesses
Correct your spelling
businesses
 grow quicker and
somewhat
Rephrase
apply
show examples
there are a few problem that follow
this
 massive development.
Within
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the
increases
Fix the agreement mistake
increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the plant industry, the pollution produced by it
also
 rising and somehow several businesses are irresponsible and leave the carbon dioxide as what it is without
take
Change the form of the verb
taking
show examples
 any kind of measure.
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
 factories that affect the quality of air, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
also
 infrastructure construction that
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to building material or any kind of residual
increases
Fix the agreement mistake
increase
show examples
.
Moreover
, they throw away
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
waste
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the river
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
even
Add a missing verb
are even
show examples
 dangerous, it contains toxin and harm the water.
However
, the side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of
this
 development could be
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackled
show examples
 by
enactment
Add an article
the enactment
an enactment
show examples
 of new
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
, related to
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 destruction. The regulation should focus on
limitation
Correct article usage
the limitation
show examples
 of the waste and
to process
Change the verb form
processing
show examples
 it before sending
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 the sewage or
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
.
Also
, the government should make sure of law enforcement and have
anually
Correct your spelling
annual
checking
Replace the word
checks
show examples
 on those
progresses
Correct subject-verb agreement
progress
show examples
.
Therefore
, the commercial stakeholders must
have to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
obey the law or else the government should take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
firm
act
Replace the word
action
show examples
 towards those
Correct pronoun usage
who disobeyed
show examples
disobeyed
Wrong verb form
disobey
show examples
.
To sum up
, the air and water in some developing countries might be terrible
due to
rising
Replace the word
the rise
show examples
 of enterprises.
Nevertheless
, the government should take
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
immediate action
toward
Change preposition
against
show examples
 these poor conditions and accelerate the regulation enactment of saving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
as well as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law enforcement.
Submitted by matcha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay lacks a clear thesis statement and does not fully address all aspects of the prompt. Make sure to clearly state your position and address both the problems of air and water pollution, as well as the solutions.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. Consider using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and ensure a logical flow of ideas throughout.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary. Try to use a variety of vocabulary words and phrases, as well as more precise and specific language to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
There are some grammatical errors present in your essay. Pay attention to sentence structure, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement. Proofread your work thoroughly to ensure grammatical accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: