IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment compete with the younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?

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In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a job competition between
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 and young generations for the same position.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 the issue of
this
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 tendency and show some solutions. Granted, in a world where technology is developing significantly, many companies just recruit a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who have knowledge about modern technologies and eliminate workers who do not adapt to the new
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
However
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, older
people
Use synonyms
 are as slow and not as well-informed about computers or modern machines as younger
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, early retirement among the elderly is increasing and households in which the elderly are the breadwinners face financial difficulties.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a large number of factories need employees with many years of experience
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
will be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
threatened by unemployment. Recruiters often appreciate the experience of older candidates,
thus
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 giving them the edge over younger candidates. Lead to rising criminal activities, for
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, robberies are occurring
by
Change preposition
among
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays. These actions have adverse impacts not only
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 future of young individuals but
also
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the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 safety of the community.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, these problems will be solved by the
government
Use synonyms
. For the first problem, the
government
Use synonyms
 should open some classes to retain the old employees to provide technical skills. From there, the elderly have many opportunities
in finding
Change preposition
to find
show examples
 jobs.
Moreover
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, the
government
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 needs to create more job places and should give
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
appropriate laws for internships or only fire employees for serious reasons. If a job market is diversified, both generations will not need to compete with each other. In conclusion, the major consequences of the increasing competition between young and old workers are
lacking
Wrong verb form
the lack
show examples
 of jobs,
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 retirement of the elderly and
appearing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many young criminals.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 have to join and apply the above suggestions to decrease these problems.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary. Use more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Make sure your sentences are grammatically correct and that you use a variety of sentence structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intergenerational competition
  • Age discrimination
  • Adaptability
  • Hiring practices
  • Workforce diversity
  • Upskilling
  • Lifelong learning
  • Flexible working arrangements
  • Ageism
  • Technological proficiency
  • Productivity concerns
  • Diverse skillsets
  • Legislative protection
  • Employment equity
  • Biases
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