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Writing Samples
Band 7

44.The table gives information about the employment of university graduates in the U.S. in 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

44.The table gives information about the employment of university graduates in the U.S. in 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The table displays information about the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
employment
Use synonyms
 from recently graduated students in the United States in 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, in three out of four
cities
Use synonyms
, there is a higher proportion of permanent
employment
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Chicago had more temporary
employment
Use synonyms
. The other significant feature of the table is that overseas employees had the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in all
cities
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. New York had a total of 66% of just graduated employers, where 55% were permanent, which is the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 compared with the other
cities
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 8.7% were temporary. Chicago and New York had the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of overseas
employment
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, both with 2.3%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Chicago had the highest temporary
employment
Use synonyms
 rate, which was 36.3%, but only 24.2% of individuals had permanent
employment
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.
San
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Francisco
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 and
Los
Use synonyms
Angeles
Use synonyms
 had the same total amount of
employment
Use synonyms
, which was 53%, but it was differently spread. In
San
Use synonyms
Francisco
Use synonyms
 34.4% of people were permanent employers,
Los
Use synonyms
Angeles
Use synonyms
 had around 11% more permanent employers than
San
Use synonyms
Francisco
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, with 45.8%,
while
Linking Words
 temporary
employment
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 was very different between both
cities
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,
San
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Francisco
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 had 16.1%
while
Linking Words
Los
Use synonyms
Angeles
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 had only 2.2%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Los
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Angeles
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 had two times more overseas
employment
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 than
San
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Francisco
Use synonyms
, which were 5% and 2.5% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, employment, cities, san, francisco, los, angeles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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