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Band 5.5

Many people believe that studying at university is the best way to develop oneself, learn new skills and find a well-paid job. Other people believe that more is learned from getting a job straight away after school and learning whilst working.

#people #university #skills #job #school #whilst
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Qualification is required for a professional career,
whereas
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that vocational training is enough to make a successful career.
This
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 essay will discuss both the views and share my opinion. Knowledge helps us to learn more skills.
To begin
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 with, getting a job is difficult.
People
Use synonyms
 go to college and university to get a degree so that they can practice in professional jobs for example, students learn medical courses to become a doctor.
Secondly
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, Universities help to find an internship for students who want to explore more job options in a competitive market.
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Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
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 with advanced knowledge, students feel confident and they can compete in the real world. Skilled jobs are
also
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 hard to find in society. Working after school is challenging.
Firstly
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,
People
Use synonyms
 find
Correct pronoun usage
it difficulty
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difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
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 to adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
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 work environment because of no guidance. Every job requires training and assistance.
Secondly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 feel less confident because they are still in the learning phase and get proper guidance from their peers.
However
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, it polishes the skills of young kids and teaches them how to face the world at an early age because an individual starts from scratch and learns the skills that are demanded.
For instance
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, experienced
as
Change preposition
apply
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construction workers
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and truck drivers are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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skilled workers in Canada and they are making at $30 an hour.
To Conclude
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, I would like to say that both views have different perspectives. I believe if someone wants to build their career in
high paid
Correct your spelling
high-paying
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 jobs , they need university qualifications.
However
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, some individuals can not afford to pay tuition
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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then
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 they choose to work after high school and gain experience.
Submitted by lakshaybhatia1350 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and that there is a clear progression from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction presents the topic clearly and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
lexical resource
Make use of a wider range of vocabulary to demonstrate a stronger command of the English language.
grammatical range
Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy to avoid errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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