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Band 5.5

Some people believe watching TV is bad for children. Others believe it is a good thing. Compare these two views. Then state which view you agree with.

#people #tv #children #two
In the
last
 few years, there has been an increasing debate about
TV
, and its pros and cons for children. One crowd support the idea that it is disadvantageous for kids,
while
 some other ones
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 believe in reverse. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views thoroughly, and
then
 give my idea.
Firstly
, as psychologists declare, watching
TV
 is harmful for children under 2 years old.
This
 technology, provides an excessive number of
excitements
Fix the agreement mistake
excitement
show examples
, and indeed they are appealing for a child, but
this
 can result in some serious psychological disorders like attention deficit-
hyper activity
Correct your spelling
hyperactivity
show examples
.
This
 problem is
due to
 the profound activation in brain regions, which cannot settle down naturally.
This
 alteration can affect the regularity of their sleep, as these kids prone to sleep inconsistently.
In addition
 to
this
, kids who watch long hours of
TV
, tend to stay inside
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 houses
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and detest playing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature or doing outdoor activities. Despite these
down sides
Correct your spelling
downsides
show examples
, it is argued that being
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
TV
 can increase children’s range of vocabulary, and these youths start talking sooner.
Furthermore
, some cartoons can be highly educational and intriguing. There are a lot of nurturing concepts which can be taught through the media. To put it in a nutshell, watching
TV
 has both positive and negative sides, and as the
down sides
Correct your spelling
downsides
show examples
 outweigh the
upside
Fix the agreement mistake
upsides
show examples
 of
this
 matter, I fiercely agree with the idea that
TV
 should be banned for
this
 span of age, and by doing so, we can guarantee the calmness of our child.
Submitted by mehrasa.elahian on

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Task Response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all aspects of the given topic, including the comparison of the two views. Provide examples and relevant details to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Use appropriate transition signals to connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of words and phrases. Aim to use more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas.
Grammatical Range
Work on improving your grammar accuracy and complexity. Pay attention to sentence structure, verb agreements, and proper use of tenses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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