IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

any parents (mostly women) decide to stay home and take care of the family members instead of working. Some people suggest that the government should pay them for doing that. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

#parents #women #home #care #members #people #government
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I strongly disagree with the people who suggest that
parents
 should be paid for taking
care
 of their own
house
.
Parents
 who are taking
care
 of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
house
 should not be paid because they are taking
care
 of their
owm
Correct your spelling
own
house
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 some
strager
Correct your spelling
stranger
house
. The
parents
 should not be paid for taking
care
 of their
house
 ,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 their
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of any one of the
parents
 to take
care
 of their own
home
 . The people who suggest that the
parents
 should be paid for taking
care
 of their
home
, the
pearson
Correct your spelling
person
 who are been jobless for more years. The
Government
 already have many financial issues if
this
 adds the
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
deparment
Correct your spelling
department
 could
also
colapse
Correct your spelling
collapse
. The
pearson
Change the capitalization
Pearson
show examples
 who
stayes
Correct your spelling
stay
 at
home
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
 to take
care
 of their family ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 need not
to
Remove the word
apply
show examples
be paid to look
at
Change preposition
after
show examples
 their own family. There are very less count of family's
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
parents
 go to
work
 ,in that
case
Add the comma(s)
case,
show examples
 the
parents
 share their
work
 at
home
 and move to their office. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 the
government
canot
Correct your spelling
can't
 pay for both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
. If the
government
 is
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
to pay
Change preposition
in paying
show examples
 they can increase the salary of the
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 who are going to
work
, which would be
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 for the family to run and they can meet their own expenses. I conclude by
telling
Verb problem
saying
show examples
 that there is no point that the
government
 should pay for the
parents
 who are not going to
work
. The
parents
 should not be paid for looking after their own family.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay is directly responding to the given prompt and fully addresses all aspects of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the ideas in a clear and coherent manner with a logical flow between paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand vocabulary by using a wider range of words and phrases to convey meaning more precisely.
grammatical range
Use a wider variety of sentence structures and ensure accurate grammar usage throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: