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Some argue that Halloween and similar festivities at the end of October are becoming too commercialized, focusing more on costumes and decorations than the original cultural and historical significance. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Support your opinion with examples and reasons.

#argue #halloween #festivities #october #costumes #decorations #significance #support
Many
people
 argue that
Halloween
 and related festivities towards the end of October are becoming too commercialized, focusing more on decoration and
apparat
Correct your spelling
apparatus
show examples
 than the original cultural and historical
significance
 of it. I fully agree with
this
 statement. I didn’t even know what the real
significance
 of
Halloween
 was before I
made
Verb problem
did
show examples
 research for
this
 essay.
Halloween
 dates back to 835 in Ireland and northern England, at the time it meant the end of summer and
of
Change preposition
apply
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the harvest season and it was wildly associated with human death.
People
 would carve pumpkins with scary faces and wear costumes
as well as
lighting
Wrong verb form
light
show examples
 up bone fire to ward off the ghost of the dead that would apparently come out on
halloween
Change the capitalization
Halloween
show examples
 night, it had a real meaning for the pagan
people
 as it was a religious celebration. Trick or treating originally started with parents giving sweets to their children as a way of comforting them as they were scared.
On the other hand
, today,
Halloween
 is nothing more than a commercial festivity where
people
 buy futile decorations and costumes. As much as I think
Halloween decorated
Add a hyphen
Halloween-decorated
show examples
 streets are nice, it is ridiculous that in 2021 Americans spent over 500 million US dollars on costumes for their pets. October is the month
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the
candy
 lobbyists are making the most money. Each year on
Halloween
, Americans spend 3.6 billion dollars on various
candy
 bars and sweets. American kids now go door to door asking for mountains of
candy
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for a tradition that isn’t even theirs. We are far from the orange the Irish kid would be lucky to receive.
Halloween
 sales each year in the USA exceed 12.5 billion dollars but if you ask any American, I doubt any of them even know the real
significance
 of the fest.
To conclude
,
halloween
Change the capitalization
Halloween
show examples
 is an ancestral tradition that dates back
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over 1 millennium ago, it had a real meaning and impact on
people
, now
Halloween
 is just a commercial
even
Correct your spelling
event
show examples
 where big companies make half of their yearly sales of
candy
 in a single day. It has lost all of its meaning and
significance
.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that relates to the main idea of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Add a clear thesis statement in your introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided relevant specific examples to support your opinion, which is good. Keep up the good work.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and sophisticated language use.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your grammar and sentence structure. There are a few minor errors throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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