You recently visited the zoological park and had an uncanny experience , as the man died by falling in the tiger enclosure. You were not able to do anything at that point, but wanted to show your concern for the safety of the visitors. Write an email to director of Zoological park in about 150-200 words. Your email should do the following. 1)Give a description of the incident 2)Complain about the short fencing 3)Show your concern for the safety of the visitors.
#park #man #tiger #enclosure #point #show #concern #safety #visitors #email #director #description #incident
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing
this
to explain about the bad situation which I faced in the zoological park along with
some suggestions for safety.
Firstly
, I visited the park on 15th March along with
my family. Suddenly, others were running and shouting loudly, for a moment I went into shock mode by seeing them like that. After some time, I came out of that situation and asked one person to learn about the reason. He said that a tiger attacked a man and injured him and it led to his spot death.
Secondly
, I observed that there were not many security precautions taken by officials. Perhaps, that might be the prominent reason for the issue. For instance
, short fencing can not stop the wild animals' entry into the crowded area.
Lastly
, as per my knowledge, taking proper security measures could reduce the chances of difficult situations. For example
, an increase in fencing height could be a helpful solution along with
educating visitors about self-protection.
Thanks for giving the matter your attention and I hope you will consider my opinion a priority.
Yours faithfully,
JamesSubmitted by ssssss9999 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, make sure to fully address all aspects of the given task. In your email, you have described the incident and expressed concerns for visitors' safety, but you have not specifically complained about the short fencing as requested. Be sure to include all the required elements in order to demonstrate a complete response.
coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion score, work on the logical structure of your essay. As it stands, the ideas seem somewhat disjointed and do not flow smoothly. Make sure to organize your thoughts coherently and use appropriate transition words and phrases to connect your ideas. Additionally, include a clear introduction and conclusion to provide a more comprehensive framework for your argument.
lexical resource
To improve your lexical resource score, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more varied expressions. In your email, you have used basic language and repetitive phrases. Try to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary by using synonyms, idioms, and more descriptive language. This will enhance the overall quality and sophistication of your writing.
grammatical range
To improve your grammatical range score, aim for more accuracy and complexity in your sentence structures. While your essay is generally grammatically correct, it lacks variety in sentence types and often relies on simple sentence structures. Incorporate more compound and complex sentences to demonstrate a stronger command of English grammar.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.