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Band 3.5

Currently, majority of people are willing to travel around the world to visit the sight seeying places because it is much more easier now as apposed to past. There are several benefits of tourism and there are outweigh the drawbacks.

#majority #people #travel #world #visit #sight #places #tourism
In
these modern society
Change the determiner
this modern society
these modern societies
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, visiting tourist attractions is way easier as compared to recent years,
due to
 the development in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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transport
as well as
 in
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
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 industry.
However
, there are certain advantages and disadvantages of
this
 trend, which will be discussed
further
 in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, some benefits of travelling to other nations are
firstly
Replace the adverb
first
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, development in economy. To elaborate, people are paying expensive tickets for transport
as well as
 for the place they are visiting, which leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in one country's income.
Finally
, it will strengthen the bond
of
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between
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 nations.
For example
, Asian people mostly spend their holidays in
Europian
Correct your spelling
European
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 countries,
hence
 the governments of both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries have good
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
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. On the other side, tourism had a detrimental effect on local culture. By visiting other places, people started following their rituals and festivals, which
leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 to the loss of local traditions and inheritance.
Moreover
,
due to
 easy access to transport
for example
 aeroplanes, to make
profit
Correct article usage
a profit
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 travel agencies raise prices
in
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apply
show examples
the holiday sessions, which some
middle class
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middle-class
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 families can not afford.
To conclude
, there are numerous benefits
as well as
 drawbacks, but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 advantages outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 with
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 development and
good
Add an article
a good
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 bond between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 nations.
Submitted by jsubains123 on

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coherence cohesion
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lexical resource
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grammatical range
Work on your grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structures.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sightseeing
  • majority
  • willing
  • easier
  • benefits
  • outweigh
  • drawbacks
  • boost
  • economy
  • job creation
  • cultural exchange
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • environmental impact
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