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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people believe it is necessary, but others think that it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
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Nowadays,
directors
 of large organizations earn more
salaries
 than ordinary
employees
 do.
As a result
, a handful of
people
 feel it is inequality for them,
however
, there are still some who believe
that is
 essential. In
this
 essay, I will consider both perspectives before giving my point of view to
this
 statement. First of all, some
people
 think that it is unfair to them when they have a lower salary compared to the
directors
 because they think they are not recognized.
Due to
 the fact that everyone works in a time frame which is about 9 hours per day
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the salary should be the same in every position.
In addition
, to managing a company, the
employees
 need to do most of the technical work
instead
 of the
directors
.
Consequently
, if the
salaries
 of the
directors
 are higher than the
employees
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will be really disadvantaged.
On the other hand
, the reason why
people
 think
directors
 need to have higher
salaries
 than
employees
 is that to drive a company smoothly,
directors
 should have extensive experience and knowledge in various fields to make a lot of important decisions and they
also
 need to have responsibility for it. It
also
 means that
directors
 should have a wage which worth their burden of work. In conclusion,
although
 many still argue that paying excessive
salaries
 to the highest position worker is unfair to
employees
, I am completely convinced that
this
 is definitely a fair option as these
people
 are behind running the business properly and
due to
this
 the workers on lower positions are earning.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should include your own clear opinion, which was only briefly mentioned in the conclusion. Provide a more in-depth exploration of your stance regarding the issue.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points with specific examples or evidence. The essay lacks concrete examples to support statements, which could strengthen the argument and task response.
coherence cohesion
Remember to organize your ideas logically. While there was a basic structure, the flow between paragraphs could be smoother. Make use of cohesive devices to better link your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are fully supported by further explanation, and whenever possible, include examples to reinforce your arguments. This adds depth to your writing and helps maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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