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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the population of particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.

The graph below shows the population of particular country by age group starting in 1960 and including a forecast to 2040.
#population #country #age #group #forecast
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The graph represents the comparison of the total citizens
according to
Linking Words
 their age from selected
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 within 80 years, including
predicted
Correct article usage
the predicted
show examples
 population for 2040. Divided into 3 groups, the working age continues to dominate and the adult people will gradually increase in the future. All in all, people
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 age
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the country remained stable in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of total
number
Use synonyms
 with approximately 55-60% between 1960
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2010,
however
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
estimated
Add a missing verb
is estimated
show examples
 to
dropped
Change the form of the verb
drop
show examples
 below 50%
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2040.
Instead
Linking Words
, the adult group which has the least population in
early
Add an article
an early
the early
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year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 is the only group that shows
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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 trend through the year, starting with only 17% now has tripled its
number
Use synonyms
,
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
show examples
 exactly at 45% of the
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
filled with people from
adult
Add an article
the adult
show examples
 group in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of children
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased during the period, the
number
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined to about 10% population from 1980 to 2000, and reached
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 in the future with
estimated
Correct article usage
an estimated
show examples
 only 10% of total citizens are children.
Submitted by andini23 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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