IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid company services should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A plethora of individuals think that volunteering should be obligatory for the school curriculum.
This
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 essay completely agrees with
this
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 statement, because
thus
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, children will learn crucial things like why helping is so important.
Moreover
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, it will give them an advance when it comes to a future job or university. Helping people in need is a sufficient part of the world. If
a
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apply
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free assistance is mandatory
to
Change preposition
for
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 students in high school,
then
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 they will get involved in things like beneficence or community progress with their hearts and will someday become good members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
For instance
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, I was a member of a voluntary group that educated unprivileged kids in music and art for free twice a week. Over 40% of those children got the help they needed and now they are successful artists. That experience made me realize how useful I can be for other men and women and now I aim to help more and more individuals every day.
On the other hand
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,
those
Correct determiner usage
this
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assistances
Fix the agreement mistake
assistance
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 will definitely be appreciated
from
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by
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 future colleges or employers. Nowadays, a number of graduates are fighting for a single spot in a university or a company. A good way to
outstand
Verb problem
stand
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 is by showing that you can be involved in other
persons
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people's
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problematics
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problems
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 and,
furthermore
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, that you want to do something good for them and do it for free.
For instance
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, "Pharma
star
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", a pharmaceutical company in Copenhagen says that there is a 65% bigger chance to hire someone who was a part of some charity group, as providing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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patient service is one of the main obligations that a pharmacist has. In conclusion, I think that volunteering has many more advantages
that
Correct word choice
than
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 the opposite, not only in personal, but
also
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 in professional aspect.

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure to clearly state your stance on the issue in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion.
supported main points
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points.
complete response
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and addresses the task prompt effectively.
logical structure
Ensure that your ideas are logically organized and connected to one another. Consider using more transitional phrases to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
lexical resource
You have used a range of vocabulary effectively in your essay. Continue to expand your vocabulary and use it accurately.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate. Pay attention to verb tense consistency and sentence structure variation.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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