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Band 4.5

The graph below shows the amounts spent on cloths on the internet in the USA and japan between 1999 and 2003

The graph below shows the amounts spent on cloths on the internet in the USA and japan between 1999 and 2003
The
linegraph
Correct your spelling
line graph
 illustrates how much money
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
 on online
clothe
Correct subject-verb agreement
clothes
show examples
 shopping from 1999 to 2003 in the USA and Japan.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
1999
Add a comma
1999,
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 Americans spent more on online shops compared with their
Japanese
Use synonyms
 counterparts.
While
Linking Words
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2001, figures for Japan were slightly higher than
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 USA, and
finally
Linking Words
, in 2003 expenses
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 clothing were equivalent for both countries.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the
year
Use synonyms
 1999, Americans spent around 10
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 on online stores,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 spent half of
this
Linking Words
 amount.In 2002, figures for both saw a rise, but the amount of cash spent by
Use synonyms
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 doubled, and reached 10
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the number for Americans was around 12
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
. In the
Year
Use synonyms
 2001, trends for the USA and Japan were declining and fell
down
Change preposition
apply
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to approximately 6
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 and 7
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 respectively. Between 2001 and 2002, American and
Japanese
Use synonyms
 residents purchased more items for their wardrobes, and
furthermore
Linking Words
, lines for both saw a significant rise, and kept on rising until 2003, and peaked at 20
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, japanese, million, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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