the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving in 2008. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
the bar charts give information about UK grad and postgraduate students who did not apply for full-time jobs after leaving in 2008. It is important to note that their first priority was
further
study and both groups
instead
of working. In both groups, admissions who applied for
further
study were 29665 in the graduate group and 2725 in the postgraduate which was the highest number in comparison with part-time work or unemployment.
Moreover
, in terms of part-time jobs there respectively 17735 and 2535 applications which for graduate students were just under 30000 and it was the second interesting opportunity for them to choose.
On the other hand
, voluntary work had the lowest tendency among them was 3500 among graduate students and 345 for postgraduates.
Furthermore
, the unemployment was high too, for graduates was 16235 and for postgraduates was 1625 in comparison with others the unemployment rate stood in the third stage.
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: