IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that a person should change a career at least once, while others think that it is better to stay in one job for a lifetime. What is your opinion?

#people #person #change #career #job #lifetime
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Career is considered as the most important factor for living.
People
 need money for living expenses. Some
people
 opinion that a person should change the
job
 at least once
while
 others think it is better to stay in the same
job
 for a lifetime.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will discuss
this
 statement below.
On the other hand
, changing in occupation has a variety of benefits.
Firstly
, the
job
 can influence the
happiness
 of
people
's lives
due to
 the fact that some
people
 need to spend most of their lifetime at work.
For instance
, in most construction companies in Thailand, the employees need to work up to 8 hours per day and six days per week. It is important that
people
 find a suitable
job
 by changing a career which will
rise
Verb problem
increase
show examples
happiness
 and well-being in their lives.
In addition
, changing an occupation can help the
worker
 to improve the skills
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they searching for. Despite these benefits, there are clear advantages of staying in one
job
 for a lifetime.
Firstly
, the
worker
 can develop skills and become a professional in the field. In the fact that the
worker
 does not need to be a beginner at work
while
 changing jobs.
Moreover
, with the experiences in that
field
Add a comma
field,
show examples
 the
worker
 might receive the opportunities to be the leader of the project. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that the advantages of changing a
job
 outweigh the benefits of staying in one
job
.
This
 is because the
happiness
 in workplace will result in
happiness
 in life.
Submitted by sakawratpim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider organizing the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details, and a strong conclusion. Provide specific examples to support your points. Ensure that your response addresses the prompt fully by discussing both perspectives and providing a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by using transition words to connect ideas and ensure a logical flow of information. Provide a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your response effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career mobility
  • adaptability
  • professional growth
  • career trajectory
  • monotony
  • upskill
  • transferable skills
  • job security
  • seniority
  • professional network
  • stagnation
  • job burnout
  • obsolescence
  • promotion
  • pension
What to do next:
Look at other essays: