IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The planets population is reaching unsustainable levels and people are facing shortage of respurces like water and food. To what consequences may over population lead? In your opinion what measures can be taken to fight over population

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It has been widely discussed that
this
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 world has been overpopulated by
Human
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Humans
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thus
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 many life-supporting resources are depleted.
The human’s
Correct article usage
Human’s
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 manufacturing
activity
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 has damaged the
environment
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 to the extent that it may become inhabitable and a global consensus is needed to regulate manufacturing
activity
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. The problem with overpopulation is the manufacturer’s abundant leftovers that exceed the
environment
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’s carrying capacity.
Furthermore
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, the resource
that is
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 vital to humans is endangered caused
by
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of
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 many
manufacturer’s
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manufacturers’
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 by-products that can not be integrated into the natural process,
therefore
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 these compounds become pollutants that damage the
environment
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.
For instance
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, the air is polluted by
carbon
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 dioxides that are overly produced
as a result
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 of manufacturing
activity
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 abundant material can not
be proceed
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proceed
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 in the natural cycle because deforestation has destroyed many trees which is the nature’s tool to transform
carbon
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 dioxide into oxygen.
Consequently
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, those residues add extra materials that damage the
environment
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whereas
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 the extra
carbon
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 dioxide, that we discussed earlier, creates a glass-house effect
that is
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 responsible for the global warming phenomenon. To fight the effect of overpopulation is to live in accordance with the natural cycle of resources. With
this
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 in mind, manufacturing
activity
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 has to put environmental sustainability as a priority.
Therefore
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 a global consensus is required to put strict contraining regulations
to
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on
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 manufacturing departments for operating more than the
environment
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’s capacity to carry.
Thus
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 any factory will be required to be responsible for minimizing the
byproduct
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byproducts
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 that affect the
environment
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.
For example
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, creating a standard amount of
carbon
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 dioxide
that is
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 produced by any factory can halt their aggressive business expansion and take time to explore alternative ways of operating. In
this
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 way, humanity will adapt to harmonize its epoch with the effort to sustain nature so it can stay habitable.
To sum up
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, the overpopulation problem comes with aggressive goods production
that
Correct word choice
and
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 its leftovers damage the planet. In response to
this
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 problem, we have to create a global consensus to regulate
this
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activity
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 that,
furthermore
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, can encourage a global movement to change the way people live to be more harmonized with the way nature works.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure could be improved by providing a more clear and organized flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical progression and supports the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened to provide a stronger framework for the essay. The introduction should include a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and provide a final thought.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good use of relevant examples and evidence to support the main arguments. However, there could be more varied vocabulary and use of academic language to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay shows a satisfactory level of grammatical range and control. However, there are some instances of sentence structure errors and repetitive use of certain grammatical patterns. Ensure to vary sentence structures and use more complex grammatical constructions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsustainable levels
  • shortage of resources
  • strain
  • exponential growth
  • critical shortages
  • environmental pollution
  • climate change
  • wildlife habitats
  • economic challenges
  • unemployment rates
  • worsened poverty
  • overcrowding
  • communicable diseases
  • social unrest
  • food security
  • urban sprawl
  • family planning
  • sustainable agricultural practices
  • renewable energy
  • infant mortality rates
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