IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many countries, the tradition of families living together is disappearing. What are the reasons for this trend? What are the effects on the family and society as a whole? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #countries #tradition #families #trend #effects #society
Undoubtedly, in the contemporary era, there are more and more cases when families
want
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do want
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 not to live under the same roof. Many argue that it
only
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is only
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 a modern tendency of freedom, but others claim that the reason for
this
belong
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belongs
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 to advances in technology and
global
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the global
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 rise of income.
This
 essay will
be outlined
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outline
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 these trends and some consequences which have been caused in today's society. There is no shadow of a doubt that
,
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apply
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 the growth of the global economy
have
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has
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 been bringing many benefits day by day. Naturally, people become more
wealtthy
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wealthy
as well as
 some of them become really affluent.
Consequently
, they want more freedom and independence because of the opportunities which money can bring.
As a result
, many of them begin to buy
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new
appartments
Correct your spelling
apartment
apartments
, houses or even mansions.
Moreover
, new kinds of businesses have been started. To exemplify, one
on
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of
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 my neighbours
have
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apply
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built a hotel near the Baltic
sea
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Sea
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approximatelly
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approximately
 two years ago , where he
live
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lived
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 with his family near the Baltic
sea
Capitalize word
Sea
show examples
approximatelly
Correct your spelling
approximately
and now he is very rich. From my perspective, it gives only positive
outcome
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outcomes
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. New young families, which have started new businesses, are producing something new now. It is sensible
to conclude
 that it generates more money,
work places
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workplaces
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 and
also
 more taxes to the government. In a global
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
, if individuals will have more funds, the whole nation will have too. Literally, more individual freedom
is
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also has
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also
 has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own merits. It appears that more creativity can be brought and some new ideas would born. In conclusion, as it can be seen only positive
outcomes
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outcome
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 that
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
families
 do not live together.
However
, it does not mean that living together is a harmful thing. Nowadays, every family can
take
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make
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 their own decision
,
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apply
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 and
settles
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settle
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 where
are
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apply
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it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 own priorities in
independency
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independence
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 or strong family bonds.
Submitted by roker123456 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and provides a brief overview of the main points you will be discussing in the essay. Additionally, don't forget to summarize your main points in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the coherence and cohesion of your essay. Use clear topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader through your ideas. Make sure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and provides sufficient support.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to make your essay more varied and sophisticated. Try to use more precise and specific words and phrases to convey your ideas.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to your grammar to avoid errors and improve the overall clarity of your writing. Review basic grammar rules and use a variety of sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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