IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

If society want to make a progress, it should respect and value their women. Do you agree or disagree?

#society #progress #respect #value #women
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Common sense suggests that the renaissance of any nation starts with its
women
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
while
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 a number of communities were able to make developments without the participation of their female, I agree the majority of societies cannot make any progress unless they value their
women
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. Admittedly, there will always be exceptions where a number of populations rely on men's power to accomplish their goals. They can lead the country and still make progress. They are competitive, disciplined, and strong-willed.
Nevertheless
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, I think that for the country to be advanced female roles must be activated in effective ways. Both sexes develop various skills which are evolutionary. Men surpass in cognitive skills
while
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women
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 exceed in non-cognitive abilities and both have essential benefits for society.
In addition
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 to that, inhibiting females from participation in the building of the nation has serious consequences. Having individuals raised by weak mothers can have a profound adverse impact on the productivity and personality of their children.
For instance
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, an uneducated parent will not be able to be a good role model for her kids as well and she will not be able to provide guidance and support which will reflect
on
Change preposition
in
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Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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strong
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of strong
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 personalities and high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of awareness and it will affect the community’s output.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is difficult to pinpoint exactly which are the consequences that will result from not honoring female in society, I believe that strong countries will always empower their
women
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 and make their role efficient
consequently
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 they can cope the rapid global developments.
Submitted by do7a.89 on

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lexical resource
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grammatical range
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • societal progress
  • gender equality
  • empowering
  • diversified workforce
  • creativity
  • problem-solving capabilities
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • social welfare
  • investing
  • education and health
  • actively participate
  • cycle of prosperity
  • promoting
  • poverty and inequality
  • reinvest
  • earnings
  • community development
  • harmonious
  • balanced society
  • reducing domestic and societal violence
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