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Band 5.5

many employees may work at home with modern technologies. disadvantage or advantage

#employees #work #home #technologies #advantage
Technological advancements, particularly developments of social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
, have widely
affect
Change the verb form
affected
show examples
 people's
work
 life. As teleworking is becoming more and more popular these days, we have to take its pros and cons into
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consideration. It was because of the covid-19 pandemic situation that governments started to encourage their
employyes
Correct your spelling
employees
 to
work
 from their home. Soon after that,
beneficial
Correct article usage
the beneficial
show examples
 aspects of
this
 method of working became more clear. Air pollution,
above all
, decreased significantly in overcrowded cities like London. The main reason was that a
fewer
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 proportion of citizens had to drive their
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 on a daily basis because of their
work
, as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
, the amount of airborne pollutants
drived
Correct your spelling
derived
 from the consumption of fossil fuels
curbed
Add a missing verb
was curbed
show examples
.
Besides
, since the public transport system
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
also
 being used much less during the pandemic, authorities needed to allocate less amount of money to the maintenance of
this
 service.
On the other hand
, some people believe that
efficiency
Correct article usage
the efficiency
show examples
 of teleworking is not comparable with in-office working at all because the majority of employees have a tendency
of killing
Change preposition
to kill
show examples
 time when they don't have to get out of their houses and specify a significant amount of their time to
work
.
For example
, a task that can be done in two hours of in-office
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 may take a whole day if it is done
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home.
In addition
 to that, working with others in a professional environment could be more
motivationg
Correct your spelling
motivating
motivation
, as you communicate with your co-workers in the office and watch them working as well. In conclusion, technology has changed our lives in different ways, especially the way we
work
, so it is important to pay attention to the consequences of these changes,
however
, I believe the benefits of teleworking totally outweigh its drawbacks.
Submitted by greatsoloist on

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task response
Your essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages of employees working from home with modern technologies. However, you could have provided a more balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages in more depth. Consider presenting a clear argument for both sides and providing examples or evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear. You have a well-developed introduction and conclusion. However, some of your main points could have been further supported with additional examples or explanations. Consider providing more detailed and relevant supporting information to strengthen your main arguments.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally appropriate and varied. However, there are a few instances where you could have used more precise or academic language. Additionally, try to avoid repetitive phrases or expressions. Consider expanding your vocabulary and using synonyms to enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your writing.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is generally accurate, but there are a few instances where you could improve sentence structures and eliminate minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word order. Additionally, vary your sentence structures to enhance the overall fluency and coherence of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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