IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays not many young people choose to work in the farming industry. Why do you think that is? How could young people be encouraged to work in this industry?

Currently, the number of young
people
Use synonyms
 working in agriculture is notably decreasing
due to
Linking Words
 a variety of reasons, which can harm the industry, except if we find a solution and encourage those
people
Use synonyms
 to work in
this
Linking Words
 vital field. The importance of the farming industry is not negotiable because it is essential to ensure providing the population
with
Verb problem
is provided with
show examples
 food.
However
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 don't think it is interesting to work in that field anymore because it is a job that requires a lot of effort and dedication, which is not something that
this
Linking Words
 generation will be interested in doing. Owing to social
media
Punctuation problem
media,
show examples
 they think that there is an easy way to have money and get rich fast.
Moreover
Linking Words
, inflation made it difficult for farmers to grow a
business
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the new generation thinks it is a wrong decision.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study showed that 50
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of farmers lost their
business
Use synonyms
 in 2022 because they could not afford the expenses after the prices of fuel
got higher
Verb problem
increased
show examples
. Encouraging young
people
Use synonyms
 to work in
this
Linking Words
business
Use synonyms
 is mandatory because they are our hope to have a decent meal on the table. I believe that the government can launch a program to support those young farmers.
For example
Linking Words
, reduce taxes and offer a discount on fuel.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, banks can make the process of getting loans easier and propose a reasonable interest
to
Check wording
rate to
show examples
 motivate them to start a
business
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, supporting agriculturists is necessary because they have an important role in our society
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is supplying the community with food.For that reason, authorities must take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious action.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more balanced arguments, acknowledging both challenges and opportunities in the farming industry.
coherence
Add clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow and connection between ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to support your points and make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You presented a clear perspective on the reasons why young people avoid farming jobs.
coherence
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: