IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The government should allocate more funds to the educational sector than health sector. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#government #funds #sector #health
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The authority must spend more funds
in
Change preposition
on
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education
Use synonyms
 facilities than
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
department
Fix the agreement mistake
departments
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. In my opinion,
both
Use synonyms
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 are important in every country.
However
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, spending more money in one area than the other can be significantly dangerous.
Therefore
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, I believe every country should monitor
their need
Fix the agreement mistake
its needs
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 before making
the
Correct article usage
a
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 spending
plan
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.
Firstly
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, the government should have statistics about
both
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health
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 and
education
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 before allocating more funds
in
Change preposition
to
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 one area than the other. Statistics will provide data
that is
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 needed to calculate the income and the spending of
both
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 departments.
Thus
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, the government will be aware of which
department
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 more money. Taking online shopping
for example
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, the owners of the website spend more
in
Change preposition
on
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 designing rather than
speding
Correct your spelling
spending
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advertising which eventually
led
Wrong verb form
leads
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 them to failure, because of their lack of awareness of which area they need to improve.
Secondly
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, after making the spending
plan
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 the authority now
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to monitor the two sectors for
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 future.
Meaning
Wrong verb form
This means
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 that the spending percentage of one sector may increase
due to
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 future
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 or any other factors. To illustrate, student numbers may increase in the next five years and the patients of hospitals will remain the same.
Hence
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, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 must spend more
in
Change preposition
on
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education
Use synonyms
 because the number of students is increasing
while
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 the number of patients
reamin
Correct your spelling
remains
 the same. As I see, monitoring
both
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medical
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the medical
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department
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 and
academic
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the academic
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department
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 will not only benefit the
department
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 itself but
also
Linking Words
 the economy of the country
due to
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 financial management. In conclusion, I strongly disagree
of
Change preposition
with
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 making more funds in
Correct article usage
the eduaction
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eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
 sector than
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 sector before making the spending
plan
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.
Moreover
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,
government
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the government
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 must collect statistics
of
Change preposition
from
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both
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 sectors,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will lead
for
Change preposition
to
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better
Add an article
a better
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plan
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, authorities should always monitor their departments for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future.
Submitted by ibrakh80 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that links back to the main argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more academic and formal language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Avoid repetitive sentence patterns.
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