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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below gives information on the global sale of hybrid vehicles* between 2006 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. * vehicles that use both fuel and electricity

The chart below gives information on the global sale of hybrid vehicles* between 2006 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. * vehicles that use both fuel and electricity
#information #sale #vehicles* #summarise #features #comparisons #vehicles #fuel #electricity
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The above bar chart illustrates the selling amount of battery-powered cars between
Use synonyms
Change the article
the year
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2006 to 2009. The Japan, US and other
countries
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
show
Wrong verb form
are shown
show examples
 in the chart.
According to
Linking Words
 the given
data
Add a comma
data,
show examples
 US has more
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to the other and the other
countries
Use synonyms
 have
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Battery-powered automobiles use both fuel and electricity.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Japan
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a steady climb
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 selling
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 until
2008and
Correct your spelling
2008
 after
that
Linking Words
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 skyrocketed to 340,000 in 2009.
Also
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 2009, Japan
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the most
sales
Use synonyms
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other
countries
Use synonyms
 including America.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the
dat
Correct your spelling
data
 US is the most Hybrid vehicle selling country except
year
Use synonyms
 2009. In
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2007 United States
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the biggest
sales
Use synonyms
 among other
countries
Use synonyms
 and it
is state
Change the verb form
is stated
show examples
 as 350,000.
However
Linking Words
,
America
Replace the word
American
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 are fluctuating.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the other
conuntries
Correct your spelling
countries
show
Use synonyms
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
 climb in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2006 to 2009.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the usage of
machine powered
Add a hyphen
machine-powered
show examples
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
 has increased. In
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2006, it
Use synonyms
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 360,000of total number of
sales
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in
year
Use synonyms
 2009, it has
surge
Change the verb form
surged
show examples
 to 740,000
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 whole
sales
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 usage of electric and fuel automobile
show
Use synonyms
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 increase
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
year
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ludmiladissanayake21 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, however".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, countries, sales, show with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climb" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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