IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
The provided chart offers a comprehensive comparison of the numbers of closed
shops
Use synonyms
 and new stores in a country during a 7-year period, spanning from 2011 to 2018. It is evident that the
number
Use synonyms
 of
closures
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant fluctuation.
Also
Linking Words
, most of the years the
number
Use synonyms
 of closed
shops
Use synonyms
 exceeded the
Use synonyms
openings
Correct quantifier usage
number of openings
show examples
, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decreased gradually. The figure
elucidate
Change the verb form
elucidates
show examples
 that at the beginning, the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of new
shops
Use synonyms
 was
surpasing
Correct your spelling
surpassing
 8000,
while
Linking Words
 the share of
closures
Use synonyms
 was over 6000. In the next year, the share of
openings
Use synonyms
 dived and reached just below 4000, almost ½ of
initial
Add an article
the initial
show examples
number
Use synonyms
.
At
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year,
although
Linking Words
 the contribution of
closures
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly, it exceeded the proportion of
openings
Use synonyms
, which reached almost 6000. In the subsequent
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
openings
Use synonyms
 had
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 ascending trend and in 2014 it was approximately 6000, almost equal to
closures
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the proportion of new
shops
Use synonyms
 dropped markedly in 2015, the share of closed stores faced a substantial halve and reached below 1000. In
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sharp contrast, it suddenly rose that
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 5000 and
maintained
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 relatively unchanged until 2018.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the proportion of new
shops
Use synonyms
 was almost stabilized in 2015, 2016, and 2017 and eventually declined to 3000 in 2018.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, number, closures, openings with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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